Two of a Kind

A broken van AC just might change my life. Well - many lives. A couple of weeks ago our van AC went out. We went to have it fixed but things just kept popping up that prevented that from happening. Around the same time my cousin, Kara, posted on Facebook that her husband, Chad, was building his mobile car repair company. We decided that since we only live an hour and a half away now we should take our van to him. Our plan was to take it immediately - the whole family would go - but again things kept popping up. We FINALLY worked out a day but the whole family wouldn't be availble to go this time. As I got ready to leave with Sam and Isabel it was raining - it hasn't rained in MONTHS! I decided it would NOT be a good idea to take little Sammy in the van with no AC and the windows up so everyone but me stayed home. This was not by chance. Without a doubt it was not. 

What an amazing visit I have had with my cousin and her family! We have shared stories, talked "shop" (aka ministry), and even a discussed a little theology. It turns out we are living parrallel lives only an hour and a half away from each other. We are both called to full time ministry. We both currently work with children in just slightly different capacities. We both know that we are where we are supposed to be - for now - but that God is calling us to more radical living that may or may not be where we are right now. 

I am intrigued. I have no idea what is going to happen in the future. But I know that this is the start of something. I know that some day (could be months, years, or even decades) we will look back at this day as the beginning. I am excited at the very real possibility that we might one day serve God together with our families side by side. 

I miss my family (even though I've only been gone for a few hours) but I know if I had the distraction of my precious Sam or my older "babies" we would not have spent these hours deep in conversation. 

I LOVE HOW GOD WORKS 

Wow

This has been one of the BEST WEEKENDS EVER. Hands down. No question.

This has been one of the SCARIEST WEEKENDS EVER. Hands down. No question.

Yes - I am talking about the same weekend. God is good. All the time. This weekend I was given an amazing opportunity to do something - by the grace of God alone - that I never planned to do. And we all made it through!

When Pastor Matt told me I would be preaching I tried to ignore it. But it didn't go away. So I started praying. I prayed and I listened. And God answered. God pointed me in a direction. He spoke to my heart. And He gave me the words. I have to say - I didn't take them easy. Of course I had other ideas about what I should say. I wanted the motivational stuff. The stuff everyone wants to hear... the stuff that makes them feel warm and cozy and comfortable. But instead He pointed me to a verse about denying ourselves and carrying our crosses daily. Hm. That's not always taken well. That's not what someone wakes up on a Sunday and hopes to hear.

But I listened. And I followed. I read a book (a GREAT book) called Not A Fan. It spoke about the need for us to be followers of Christ - not just fans. I knew that this was the start of what God wanted to share through me. So I basically started to write a book report. By Saturday night (the night before the sermon!) I was overwhelmed. I was confused. I lacked passion. I had worked so hard trying to take this book and fit it into a neat 20 minute "sermon" with references from my commentaries and illustrations of my own but it was all wrong. It turns out what I was trying to do was present the author's words... but what I needed to do was present God's Words. Around midnight I knew what needed to happen. I needed to start over.

I prayed. I listened. I wrote. And God made it happen. The subject of the sermon remained the same: Luke 9:23 and Not A Fan was a great resource but God made the sermon His. By 2 AM I could write no more! I needed sleep. Although I had the main outline done - the sermon itself was only halfway. I woke up early Sunday morning to finish. I prayed. I listened. I wrote. And God made it happen. I headed off to church (late) picked up the donuts and spent the morning with my [church] kids singing songs and playing games. I wanted to obsess over the words of the sermon but I didn't have time. I don't know where the morning went but in a blink it was TIME. And I was in tears. I was a nervous wreck. I somewhat composed myself and was good - as long as no one talked to or looked at me! And then it hit me. I needed to pray again. So I prayed. And I fell. I prayed and I fell so hard on God like I never have before. I relied on Him more in those hours of preparation and those minutes before presentation than I have in my entire life. I gave it ALL to Him. Not that He needed my reminders - but I reminded Him that I DID NOT know what I was doing. I reminded Him that I could NOT do this but that I knew He could.

During the last song before I had to go up my mind went blank and for a moment I started to panic again (think Peter on the water...) I was planning my escape from the sanctuary (think Runaway Bride...) and then it hit me AGAIN. I needed to PRAY. I prayed - literally - "God, YOU'VE got this." I got to do my motivational speaking after all! Only it was directed at God... haha In that moment my nerves calmed (ALMOST completely) and as long as I relied on Him only and trusted in Him alone (not on my own abilities or merits) I knew everything would be fine. And it was. I don't exactly know what I said up there. It is all a blur. But I know - with every fiber of my being - that God showed up. It was one of the most humbling moments of my life.

Every time I am blessed to be used by God I am humbled. I do not understand it. I do not know why I get to do this. I am not what you would expect. I am tremendously flawed. I am not able. I certainly am not worthy. Yet God takes what little I have and uses it for HIS GLORY.

This experience, this special time with God, has opened my life/my spirit/my soul back up. I feel like a new person.