Joy and Anguish

As I sit here in our beautiful, giant, God-given backyard listening to Sophia playing nearby [and the 7 million doves that live in our trees] I am overcome with most every emotion: sorrow, anguish, happiness, and gratitude.  Beth Moore teaches in the James Bible Study that joy and anguish are strangely linked - and in this moment I am living proof.  I am broken-hearted for the Adkins' family over their tremendous loss.  I cannot even begin to imagine what they are feeling now - only one other time in my life have I felt such sorrow for complete strangers.  I have been brought to tears time and again today as they cross my mind.  

And yet the sadness I feel for them has led to intense gratitude and joy for and in our God.  It has opened my eyes fresh to the incredible blessings that surround me.  Grieving for their family has convicted my complaining spirit.  Do I REALLY have ANY problems? Really?  Is the lack of a diaper changing table in the doctor's office today anything to be upset over?  Really?  We have money to visit the doctor.  We have a clean diaper to put on.  I have my baby...and she has me.  

Life is precious.  Every moment is a gift.  I have a choice - live in each moment thankful for the good it brings -OR- squander it away with complaining.  OH HOW I HAVE WASTED SO MUCH TIME these last two years!  

God is so good.  God has provided for our every need.  He has protected us from danger.  He has given us each other. 

I am wholeheartedly convinced that God was prepared for this season of my life and prepared the details of the season for me - though I had no idea it was coming.  He knew that I would have this time of waiting for His direction - and He prepared the perfect place for me to wait.  He brought us home. He put us in this house.  I can sit in this beautiful giant back patio listening to the birds, watching our children play - and praising God as I thank Him for these months of waiting.  

However, NOW, in the hurt I feel for the Adkins, and in the knowing that life is truly a precious gift - I think I will spend less time focused on the "wait" and more time soaking in the goodness and glory of God.