A tribute to 2009

Well.... here goes the inevitable look back. While I'm not one for making New Year's Resolutions (I can barely stay focused long enough to finish a book......I couldn't possibly stick with something for an entire year!), I do like to take the end of the year to reflect. To say the least, this has been a year of changes.

When 2009 began, I had no immediate plans for change. I was attending UH, volunteering at church, living with my folks, and being a mom to my kiddos. I wouldn't say I was fulfilled or even incredibly content... but it was my life and it was NOT bad! :) However, God had some plans in the works.

On a side note: In March, I went on the trip of a lifetime to visit my sister in Milan. It was VERY difficult to leave my kids for 11 days... but the time with my sister and nephew were priceless. I never would have been able to make the trip on my own - thanks to my family who made it possible!

In April, our Children's Pastor (Joy) announced that she was leaving for another church in Kansas. I was approached about the interim position as Director of Children's Ministry. This was NOT originally on my radar screen of career paths to take! LOL I knew God was calling me into ministry but I had been working on the Creative Planning Team and really enjoyed that area - so I was sure God would call me into something along those lines... However, at the same time that I learned of this opportunity at my church, I was approached by 2 other churches about similar positions (outside of Houston). God made it abundantly clear that this is what I am supposed to be doing RIGHT NOW. I prayerfully accepted the interim position here. I had never worked in full time ministry and I decided the interim position in my church home would be a great place to learn. And BOY! Was/is there a LOT to learn!!

We jumped right in this summer - with 2 VBS's, our big annual block party, a new KidStuf set and direction, and directing camp with about 500 people! It was a little busy! (To say the least!)

At the same time... things with Brian and I... well - I don't even know the words... I must say that we almost didn't make it back together. We reached the point that we had to either make it happen - or walk away forever. I prayed and prayed and prayed - and had everyone else praying! And by the middle of camp week we had decided to give it another go! (You can read more about that in one of the posts below) On August 8th we got engaged and six weeks later we got married! At the end of September we moved into our apartment and so far have lived happily ever after ;)

To sum up the year... God picked me up and put me on the path He wanted. My educational goals changed, my career plan changed, my living arrangments drastically changed, I started working full time, and I married THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. I have gone from having a "heart of stone" who RARELY, if ever, cried (and would not even consider marriage)...to being a head over heels in love [mushy] woman. And I love it. There is something about being exactly where God wants you and following HIS Plan that makes everything - every part of every day... even the messy - amazingly beautiful. I cry at the drop of a hat. Out of sadness AND happiness. All it takes is a brief glance at God's work in my life this year and I'm a fountain ;) And I don't mind the tears one bit.

No news is good news

Whew! LONG DAY! We just got home from the Pediatric Rheumatologist. We don't really have any big new news... but I'm calling that good news. They are still calling "it" reactive arthritis due to strep infection. Even though the strep is gone, she said it could last about 3 more weeks. Because this can last for about 6 weeks total they can't look past this option until we are out of that time frame. IF - but this won't happen - IF it's still a problem in 3-4 weeks we will go back and revisit all the possibilities. In the meantime he has more of the same - rest, relaxation, and now stretching - with an added muscle relaxer. The pain he feels is not causing any damage - it's just an unfortunate effect. Most of the pain is actually coming from muscles and tendons (she thinks) so the muscle relaxers should help. They also might knock him out... but we will see. The only immediate concern is rheumatic fever. It hasn't been completely ruled out and it is very likely that he could still get it - IF we aren't proactive. But we are! SO he will get 1 shot every 28 days for the next 6 months. Not fun - but not bad considering the alternative...

We got one piece of really good news and that is about his sed rate... We knew it was higher Monday at 52 than when this started [at 49]... however, we learned that when he was tested in the ER it was 77! No wonder the child couldn't walk! SOOOOOOOO 52 is MUCH lower than 77 which shows this could be on it's way out. We also learned that his ASO titer was 1600 in the ER. A normal healthy child has an ASO of about 300. This is the number that indicates the presence of strep...or something like that... and is how they know he had strep for quite some time.

Bottom line... continue treating as reactive arthritis. Take the muscle relaxers to help with pain (along with the Naproxen) and wait a couple of weeks. I choose to believe this is the answer and he will be completely healed soon.

When you don't know what to say... sing

Singing Over Me by Kari Jobe

When I waited so long. When my tears were my song.
With my hope nearly gone. You held me, God.

To believe in the face of the dry, weary place,
when You felt far away, You held me, God.

Oh, there is freedom in surrender. Oh, I know it.
Your songs have never stopped. You've been singing, always singing over me.
Your words are still enough. And Your singing, Always singing over me.

The chaos in the cause... teaching me to see, Lord, the beauty in the storm.
So I believe when I see through Your eyes, through the testing of time
Every cloud silver-lined 'cause You're with me.

Your songs have never stopped. You've been singing, always singing over me.
Your words are still enough. And Your singing, Always singing over me.

You give me faith. You give me strength enough to wait. To stand in faith and listen for, listen for Your melody.
*************************************************************************************

My heart continues to break for those families dealing with severe illnesses. I honestly don't know how they do it. I keep thinking of our friends who lost their daughter a year and a half ago. She was 6 1/2. She first got sick when she was 2.

We are so blessed. Our problems really are so small. Hug your babies and thank God for their health.

Don't know what to ask for...

Today, I'm praying. But I'm not sure what to pray for... The Pediatrician called and asked to see Christopher right away. He wanted to check his heart for a murmur, perform and ECG, and do another chest x-ray. He had been working with the Rheumatologist (which moved our appointment up to THIS FRIDAY) and they were concerned that Christopher could possibly have rheumatic fever. I had this rush of emotion as I headed to Christopher's school... glad there might be an answer soon - but not sure that rheumatic fever is the answer we want.

While the doctor was listening to Chris' heart - I found myself praying but I didn't know what to ask for. I want an answer...with an answer comes a solution... but Rheumatic Fever can have great complications and does not just "go away." However, I think it might be better than rheumatoid arthritis or lupus. SOOOO - Maybe it would be good if that is the answer. I was (and still am) at a loss. I just sort of sat there praying with no words. I think this may be the new normal for a while for me.

The initial results for today are all normal. No murmur, no enlargement on the x-ray, and ECG was normal. These are all GOOD results! There is still a cloud, though, of not knowing. The doctor said to sit tight until Friday. The Rheumatologist will have more insight, more tests, and hopefully new medicine for Christopher.

I don't know how to "rate" this day. Another emotional roller coaster with some good news: see above, and some bad news: his increased sed rate from yesterday and news that his ASO test indicates that he may have had strep for quite some time...

As for praying and the future... I don't know what to say. I pray for healing, comfort, and answers...whatever those answers might be. I'm thankful for a God who knows... even when I don't. And who has answers to the questions and petitions I don't even know to ask.

The waiting game

Back to the doctor today. Another strep test and updated blood work. We should have the results for most of it tomorrow but the strep culture will take a couple of days. I'm most interested in his sed rate as it can be evidence that he is improving. Praying for a lower number this time!

For the most part he is the same. Joint pain that migrates. Sometimes its constant and sometimes it only hurts when he uses the joint. The pain moves around his body from day to day and at times he still gets to the point where it's very difficult to walk. SO thankful for Brian who has carried him some. And we have learned that I CAN carry my 13 year old, 102 pound, son room to room and even up and down stairs when necessary! LOL

We had one pain FREE day this weekend! Saturday Chris woke up symptom free :) and spent the entire day with no pain. It was a great relief for him and we are very thankful for the time to breathe.

The doctor has pulled back on Christopher's school schedule and released him now to half days of school only. We will alternate mornings and afternoons every other day so he can hit his different classes. I asked the doctor if there was anything stronger that they could put him on for the pain... I suggested, "What about the medicine they put in his IV? That took the pain away. Can we get some of that?" He just laughed. He said, "Oh no! That's not something you can administer. I'd be shocked if he felt anything on that medicine."

So THAT'S why he felt so good after the ER visit! After we get the blood results tomorrow his Pediatrician will consult with the Rheumatologist and hopefully get his appointment (January 20) moved up or some ideas to relieve the inflammation.

More updates will follow when we have more information.

I don't remember praying for patience recently.................

Counting the blessings of our reality

Christopher laughed today at the name of our blog. He pointed out that right now reality is not better than our dreams. I beg to differ.

Tonight my children lay sleeping in their own beds under many blankets. We spent the evening together in our warm home. Our apartment has plenty of space, and more than enough of the "stuff" that we need. We watched a Christmas movie as a family- a mom, a dad, 2 brothers, and a sister - with no fighting, no resistance, nothing but joy. We even munched on [not so great] ;) homemade cookies.

When it was cold this morning - I turned on our heater. When Chris woke up - I gave him the medicine - which we were able to purchase without worry (thanks to our insurance and thanks to giving parents who picked up half of it!) - to help him get better. When he began to worry I picked up the phone and called the doctor who is working closely with us to make him well. I didn't have to catch a bus to take him to the emergency room where he would see a new doctor for the umpteenth time like so many mom's did today. I don't have to wonder how we will afford any new medicine down the road. We both have jobs. We both have working vehicles. We both have great families, friends, and a supportive church community.

The answers they've given us so far have been better than so many other families have received just this week. There is no cancer. There is no cause for concern in his bones. He remains fever free.

My heart goes out to all of the families who wonder tonight how many days they have left with their little ones. How many of those days will be pleasant? How many will be filled with procedures and sickness?

Our reality is so much more than I could ask for. I rest tonight in these blessings beyond what I could dream for myself. I do pray for my Christopher and, of course, I do NOT want him to be in pain. At the same time, I thank God for the good news we have received, and I claim victory in what is to come.

The road to recovery must have a S-L-O-W speed limit

I'm trying not to bombard Facebook anymore with these constant updates... so I will try to post everything here. If you are that interested in the status you can subscribe to this blog to receive e-mail alerts when I update.

We were hoping the pain was a thing of the past... Chris has felt pretty good since about Saturday morning. He has been on prescription Naproxen since Wednesday, November 25th and until 2 days ago they kept the inflammation/pain at bay. He began antibiotics Saturday morning, the 28th, so we expected him to begin feeling better - even without the Naproxen - by Monday. The plan was to take him off of the Naproxen by Wednesday or today. He returned to school Tuesday but came home with an achy knee. By the end of school yesterday he could barely walk and by late afternoon he couldn't put much weight on his left leg at all. I thought all of this returned pain was just a result of being up and around all day at school but this morning he woke up in pain :( His shoulders are hurting badly again as well as his ankles. He even asked to go to the doctor. I kept him home from school but even resting and medicine hasn't relieved the pain. I called and his pediatrician said that we should go ahead with the Rheumatologist referral. We had canceled this appointment because of the strep diagnosis but with things progressing the WRONG way - he thinks its necessary to get their opinion.

I have left a message with that clinic - we'll see if they ever call back! :P Either way, the Pediatrician said he will put in a call tomorrow to expedite the appointment. Last I heard their first available was mid-late January.

Road to Recovery

We are in the home stretch, I pray. Christopher started back to school today... he was very nervous! The doctor gave him a note to sit out for athletics - which is good because his ankles were bothering him this morning. He called a few minutes ago to tell me he was headed home and he mentioned his knew was hurting :/ I'm sure it's just because he has been resting so much - it will take his body a bit to get back into the swing of things.

The doctor called this morning and confirmed that his bone scan was normal! YAY!! Here are a couple of pictures of him before/during the scan (sorry for the blurriness!) He is under the sheet on the elevated bed that is moving into the circle.




He did great with the whole procedure! I am so proud of him! I don't think I have ever prayed as hard as I did during that scan. I wanted to be on my knees... but I didn't want to freak out the technicians in the room! LOL OR Chris! He had no idea what they were looking for - I didn't want to scare him. After they told us it looked good I couldn't stop crying. I guess holding in the worry for so long and the relief of knowing they didn't see anything... it just released into tears. Chris was a little confused why I was crying so I finally told him that they were looking for cancer (among other things) and I had been so worried. He then understood my emotion! We had a good day together... killing time while he was radioactive gave us time to hang out! :)

The doctor explained to me this morning that the strep didn't infect/attack/settle in his joints (which is what I originally thought) but that his body was reacting to the strep... and in a way it was attacking itself in the joints. When the strep is gone the body should repair itself and stop attacking itself. We will stop the anti-inflammatories in a couple of days to see how he is doing. If the pain goes away and stays away we don't even need to follow up with the rheumatologist! Please continue to pray for him as he recovers!

Last night before dinner Chris said the prayer... He thanked God for the clear scan and the road to recovery. I know that in a few days/weeks we will be thanking Him for complete healing!

Last test (hopefully)

Today we have the LAST test in this ongoing saga. Christopher will have a bone scan this afternoon to further rule out any serious issues in his body. At 11 am he will be injected with some kind of radioactive tracer... we will then go back at 1 pm for the actual scan. My prayer has been this: that the scan is NEGATIVE of any problems BUT if there is ANYTHING that we need to see - for it to be seen. No matter how small.

I am so thankful for the strep diagnosis and the medicines they have put him on. He is feeling much better and I pray that when we take him off of the pain/anti-inflammatory medicine he will still feel great - proving strep was the cause!

Thank you for all your kind words and prayers (and cake Shana!)

I will post the results of his scan as soon as we hear them - not sure how long it will take but I've heard a couple of days.

Christopher and the KNOWN

We received GREAT news Friday! Christopher's strep culture came back positive! (His rapid strep was negative... but they did the longer strep culture as well) This could be the reason for his joint pain! Let's go back a couple days to fill you in on our week...

We had planned a couple of months ago to go camping Thanksgiving weekend. Brian and I had gone back and forth with the idea several times because we still have boxes to unpack... but it's not often (first time since May I think...) that I have a possible Sunday off so we hated to let it pass us by. When Chris got sick we again reconsidered the weekend plans. Camping doesn't exactly sound like a great activity for someone in pain... but then the dr put him on something to help with the pain. So the camping idea was again considered.

When you hear that your child might have something serious like cancer your mind goes on many journeys. All of the "what-ifs" take over. I thought "What if he is too sick in the coming months to take a family trip" "What if he ends up not able to walk" "What if this is the last opportunity we will ever have to take him camping..." Of course all of these things are going on only in my head because A) I don't want to be dramatic B) I don't want to scare anyone else and C) I won't dare utter these things aloud. No matter what Chris had... I decided life is too short to keep putting things off.

We finally decided on Thanksgiving morning to leave for camping THAT afternoon (after Turkey lunch at the in-laws). We would take Christopher's medicine, plenty of blankets to keep him warm and comfortable, and an air mattress to keep him off of the ground. That first night was quite interesting. Isabel and I headed up first (so the boys could watch the game) and we got the tent all set up and some of the things unpacked. By the time the boys got there it was too late to inflate all of the air mattresses (due to the quiet hours in effect). We decided to only inflate Christopher's and the rest of us could sleep on the ground. We got him tucked in all comfy and cozy on his mattress with tons of blankets while the rest of us huddled together in the other tent. Christopher slept GREAT! He stayed warm and had a peaceful night - waking with the regular pain he has had for the last week. He took his medicine and was ready to go in an hour or so. The rest of us however were not so fortunate. LOL We froze as we tossed and turned all night trying to get a wink of sleep. It was worth it though! Knowing that he was comfortable and not being put under any additional stress made it worthwhile. We had a great time and Chris decided he wanted to stay another night. (We all slept on air mattresses that night!)

We got the good news while we were camping Friday. I never thought I would be glad to hear my kid has strep! But it was like I could breathe again! We still have to do the bone scan Monday to further rule out the possibilities of any malignancy... but I am resting in this diagnosis and trusting it is the source of his problems.

I have learned - or rather been reminded - a great lesson through all of this... We always say - tomorrow, next weekend, next summer.... it's time to just say NOW. Not in an impulsive/reckless way... but to take time to "smell the roses" that might not be there tomorrow, next weekend, or next summer.

Christopher and the unknown

Well... what a journey we are on. And I am ready for it to end. Six days doesn't sound like very long - but trust me - it can feel like a lifetime.

Six days ago Christopher woke up complaining of chest pain. It hurt to breathe so I took him to the doctor. He had no other symptoms and his chest x-ray came back clear, so the dr diagnosed him with Costochondritis. Remedy? Motrin and rest. The next morning Christopher woke up with all over joint pain... ankles, knees, wrists, thumbs, elbow, shoulders, chest and neck. We headed back to the doctor. This new pain cancelled out the first diagnosis and we were sent home for the weekend to rest and monitor his condition. The hope was (and still is) this pain is a result of a virus that will go away on its own. However, Sunday the pain was so bad that Christopher stayed home from church (which he NEVER does) and missed the Student Turkey Bowl he was so looking forward to. Monday morning brought blood work and more rest. We tried to go by the grocery store but after 20 minutes it was too painful for him to continue to walk around. Tuesday morning we headed back to the doctor for another consultation, more blood work, and some test results. Christopher's lymph nodes are now swollen but other than that he still had no new symptoms. The results: blood count...ok, rheumatoid factor...negative, Sed rate...45, strep test... negative, other tests still pending. We learned that the sed rate was very high and while it shows that there is a LOT of inflammation happening in his body - it does NOT tell us the cause. Basically just confirms it's not all in his head... The joint pain migrates around his body each day. His latest and greatest pain has been his hips and this morning when he woke up he could no longer walk. Putting any pressure or weight on his left hip caused too much pain. Another call to the doctor and we were directed to Texas Children's ER.

The wait wasn't too bad and we were in a room within half an hour. Several nurses came by and asked all of the same questions and finally the doctor came in to ask them all again. The doctor said she likes cases like these... not for children to be in pain but because joint pain is like a puzzle and finding the diagnosis requires a lot of brain work and hunting. They started an IV line so that they could easily take MORE blood and could give him some medicine to help with the inflammation and pain. We waited an hour or so for the "results". Basically we still know nothing. The good news: Leukemia and Lymphoma have been ruled out. The bad news: It could be a million of other things including a virus, rheumatoid arthritis (or some other form), or something else malignant in his body. They sent us home with a prescription for naproxen, an order for a bone scan, and a referral to the pediatric rheumatologist. As for school - he is not contagious (though they don't know what he has) and can return to school on days (and for as many hours as) he feels up to it. FRUSTRATING

I talked with our pediatrician when we got home and found out that the rheumatologist was there - ready to see Christopher but the ER doctor NEVER CALLED HIM. We now get to wait for an available appointment which it looks like will be JANUARY 12.

Needless to say this has been an emotional and exhausting day. SO frustrated to not have answers and to have missed a chance to find some... BUT SO THANKFUL THAT THEY RULED OUT TWO KINDS OF CANCER. I also appreciate the doctor's careful choice of words around Christopher. She never said cancer... only malignancy (and then leukemia and lymphoma AFTER they were ruled out).

We REALLY appreciate everyone's prayers and calls and emails/FB posts. We will continue to update his status on this page and through Facebook. Please continue to pray... there is still a chance this is just the aftereffect of a virus and he will wake up one day pain free. Maybe it will be tomorrow!

In 9 days I will marry the man of my dreams....

It has obviously been a while since I updated....... LOTS has happened in the last 10 months and I have not exactly had - or taken - the time to blog. Where shall I begin??

In March I traveled to Italy to visit my sister and her precious family. I spent 11 days in Milan and Spiazzi and while I missed my kids terribly I had a great time!

In May I temporarily (or so I thought) took over our Children's Ministry at church as our long-time Children's Pastor left for greener pastures in Kansas. Throughout the summer we hosted 2 VBS programs (one in house and one missional VBS at a not-so-nearby church) and I directed (with a co-director and lots of help!) our district summer camp again. We had a great but VERY busy summer and the time flew by with little to no fun time for my kids... SORRY GUYS!

In July I interviewed for, and in August received, the Children's Pastor position at my church. Totally undeserved, unexpected, and APPRECIATED! I am SO excited to be able to get to know these families better, to minister to their children, and to spend time every day finding ways to reach them on a deeper level for Christ. This is not something that 1 year ago I would have said would be my dream job... but it's so true - HIS plans are so much greater than our own. HE knows what's best and when you follow His lead - amazing things happen!

During camp (romance always begins at summer camp doesn't it?) Brian and I had many discussions about the possibility of a future for our "relationship"... let me just quote from our WEDDING page...

We started "dating" Wednesday, August 5th and became engaged Saturday, August 8th!
This journey actually began 5 years ago when we dated and became engaged the first time. The timing back then wasn't right so we decided not to get married. Throughout the last 5 years we have dated on and off but remained very close friends. We have always had an unexplainable connection no matter where we were in the cycle of friendship that we lived. Just play a game of Mafia with us and you can see our unspoken connection!

Camp is always a fun and special time for us (like kids in junior high!) and this year didn't disappoint! Brian finally understood I was seriously head over heels in love with him when I professed that undying love through the megaphone. :) If you know me well you understand that I do NOT like public displays of emotion! I also had most of the campground praying for us ;) I love Brian and I couldn't help but share it with the world!

Brian waited "patiently" for me for 5 years - and I am so thankful to God every day that he did. It's been a long road - but the time has come! We know this is God's Plan for our lives and we are so excited to begin the real journey together now!

I changed the title of our blog to more acurately describe our life... The reality that God has provided us really is so much better than anything we have ever dreamed for ourselves. I thank God every day for the blessings He is pouring on us. I am humbled daily in knowing that I have done nothing to deserve His grace and mercy and blessing... and I strive to walk in a manner that's worthy of the call He has given me.